Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
