He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
