remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
