I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
