Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
