she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
