no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
