grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
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