He uses pillows to masturbate.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
