I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
