I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
