you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
