it hurts more in the daytime
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
