Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
