I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
