I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
