I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
