i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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