What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
