I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Dear god my vagina.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
