your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
