I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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