Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
