I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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