Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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