Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
