Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
