fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Rumble strips road head = magical
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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