i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
