I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
