she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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