so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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