if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
and she was petting her beer can
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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