The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize