How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
