SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
