Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
