How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
