No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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