Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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