Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I need water and some morals
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
