You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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