Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
