You made me cry and you don't even care
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
