the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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