She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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