So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
