Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
