If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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