dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
