i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
