Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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