I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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