Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
