I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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