we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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