like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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