we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
