I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
