did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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