come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
