He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
