There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
