i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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