well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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