Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
