better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
