8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
