So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
