ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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